We often know what we need to do, so why don’t we do it? That’s one of the great questions of the ages! How do change and transformation actually happen? Let me give you the answer and then unpack it:
Change comes through motivation more than information. (1)
We have access to nearly any piece of information we want through the internet and books. If change were simply a function of information, we would be the most transformed generation in history! But information alone doesn’t bring transformation. So, what does?
Transformation happens in the context of relationships and experiences.
Let’s talk about relationships first.
First, you will only get so far in life on your own steam. That’s because you weren’t designed to live a life of isolation: from your Creator and from other people. People of faith believe God is the one who initiates change in the life of a person. And lasting change doesn’t usually happen without cultivating a deep personal relationship with Him.
But other human beings have a part to play in the process, too. God may work through another person to initiate change, solidify change, or both! That is why from the very beginning God said, “It is not good for man to be alone…” (Genesis 2:18). And that verse doesn’t apply only to married people. Whether you are married or not makes no difference, and just because you are not married doesn’t mean you are destined for a life of loneliness! We need other people to come alongside us for support, encouragement, and healthy accountability. We have blind spots that we can’t see and ways of thinking and doing things that are keeping us stuck.
Friends and mentors can certainly help us with this, but we also need people with expertise in certain areas like counselors and coaches. When you’re sick, you go to the doctor. In the same way, when you are having a problem in life, feel stuck or unhealthy, or you just can’t figure out what’s going on or how to move forward, you probably need a coach or a counselor. Here are some differentiations that may help:
- Counseling addresses past hurts and feelings to bring healing
- Teaching gives acquired knowledge to a pupil
- Mentoring is giving advice learned through wisdom and experience
- Coaching brings support, encouragement and healthy accountability so that dreams, goals, and desires can be realized.
Second, transformation comes through experience. If you think about it, I bet you can link a relationship, an experience, or both to your greatest breakthroughs. Here are some examples:
- Someone did something for you that you couldn’t do for yourself and it changed your life
- Your perspective changed because of an experience you had
- A tragedy forever shaped you…for good or for bad
- You took a trip that opened your eyes to a new part of the world, new people, or a different way of doing things
- You had an encounter with God that shaped you and changed your trajectory forever
- There was an interaction with another person that opened your eyes to a new way of looking at things resulting in a paradigm shift
- You had a transcendent moment in nature where you experienced amazing clarity
So, transformation comes both through experiences and relationships, either separately or together.
What Is My Next Step?
Here’s an important question to ask yourself: How do you need to position yourself for transformation?
An Opportunity for Transformation
If you are a growing leader who knows what they need to do, but you are finding it hard to do on your own, this is for you. If you are not content unless you leave a significant impact in this world, this is for you. Most likely, you have a job or role that requires a high level of performance and responsibility, and you sometimes struggle to find a healthy rhythm between work, family and your personal life. There is a high probability you are married with kids, live in an urban or suburban area, and drive a minivan or SUV. At the end of the day, your desire is not just to lead, but to lead with integrity and character while leaving a legacy for those around you, especially those closest to you.
But if you’re honest, sometimes, you feel like you are failing. The stress is getting to you, you are too busy, out of shape, and you feel like you’re burning the candle at both ends. You may feel lonely and possibly emotionally distant from your spouse. Disconnecting from your work can feel like a real challenge, and often you feel overwhelmed, exhausted and unsure how long you can keep going this way. But you are determined not to be another casualty of leadership – living in compromise, unfaithful to your spouse, divorced, a disappointment to your children, burned out, and addicted. I have good news,
That doesn’t need to be your story.
Healthy rhythms begin with a person who is tired of leading from an empty tank.
What is Rhythms?
Forged in over twenty years of leadership and the nose-to-the-grind culture of Cambridge and Boston, Rhythms is a twelve-week interactive coaching and mastermind experience designed to help you connect with other highly motivated leaders and establish healthy rhythms in four key areas so you can lead with character and integrity for the long haul. Those Rhythms areas are: Spiritual, Relational, Physical, and Emotional.
Get Started >>> (also, check out this video I made about Rhythms)
A Case for Coaching
The reason coaching works is because coaches listen deeply, ask great questions and encourage people to find their own solutions (if you are a person of faith, in conjunction with God). The greatest buy-in and motivation happen when we come up with our own solutions. Think about it: do you do something just because someone tells you to? Maybe sometimes, but what happens when you come to a realization or conclusion on your own (not necessarily apart from people but because they ask a good question that causes you to think about something in a new way)? How much more likely is it that you will follow through? Coaches are change experts who walk alongside you to help you unlock your potential and move from where you are to where you want to be.
Rhythms combines teaching, relationships, experience, and coaching to help you move forward.
I also do individual coaching. You can visit my coaching page to find out more.
(1) Leadership Coaching by Tony Stoltzfus
