‘When You Hurry, You No Longer Care’: A Wake-Up Call from the Monastery

Kent Murawski

“You’re not going to become a monk, are you?” 

Me at Genesee Abbey

My wife asked me this after I excitedly returned from a week-long retreat to a Trappist monastery and my growing fascination with monastic rhythms. 

The obvious answer is no, since I’m neither single nor celibate

It began the previous week when my twelve-year-old son and I went to serve at a St. Benedict’s Abbey— a local monastery—during his April break. I know, I know, what a great school break, but I wanted to do more than indulge all his self-focused desires, though we did some of that, too. While there, we made brownies with Father Anthony (we got to take some home) and did manual labor with Brother Joe. Jon got to use a power saw, so he was happy! 

Afterward, something kept nagging me about that day, and after further reflection, I figured it out: 

Monks never seem to be in a hurry. 

We would stop and chat before working and while we were working. The work got done, and they never seemed to rush. The same wasn’t true for me, at least inwardly. At several points throughout the morning, I wondered, When will we get started? I came here to work! 

Are You Addicted to Hurry?

What would it be like to spend a whole week at a monastery? 

That was the question I was seeking to answer.

A week after St. Benedict’s, I was slated to visit a Trappist monastery called the Abbey of the Genesee for a semi-annual retreat. The May retreat is for rest and recharge, and the November one is for reflecting on the past year and planning for the New Year, though I do some rest and recharge then as well. Why monasteries? They are quiet, reflective, and peaceful, especially Trappist monasteries, which value silence and simplicity, even using sign language to communicate at times instead of speech. 

Going into my retreat, I just couldn’t get the theme of hurry out of my mind. 

The Abbey of the Genesee was the same monastery that Henri J.M. Nouwen, a Dutch author, priest, and professor, famously wrote about in his 1976 book The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery. (I read the book while there and truly enjoyed it!). 

On day 1, Nouwen mentioned a book by Robert M Pirsig called Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Later, when I looked up the book on Amazon, this quote was at the top of the page: 

“When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it, and want to get on to other things.” 

Ouch. 

After ten years of attempting to live at a rhythmic and natural pace, I realized something that day:

I’m still addicted to hurry. 

The stark contrast between my pace and the pace of the monks at St. Benedict’s highlighted my addiction, and in the silence and simplicity at The Abbey of the Genesee, it was confirmed. 

Upon reading the quote, I immediately thought of my wife, Gina, and how often she is the unwilling victim of my hurry. It prompted me to write this apology letter. 

Dear Gina, 

I recently read a quote, “When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it, and want to get on to other things.” 

Upon reading it, I immediately thought of you and how often you’ve felt that way around me. It made me sad. I don’t really have adequate words to make it all better, only a humble apology. As much as I want to stop hurrying, I don’t know how. I’m addicted to my own importance, my own schedule, and my own things. By God’s grace, I will continue to work on slowness until, at least some of the time, you don’t feel like the unwilling victim of my hurry. I’m sorry. I know that it’s not enough, but I offer it anyway. Please forgive me. I knew not the extent of it until very recently. Please pray for me.

Your grateful husband—Kent

I read it to her that night on the phone, and she was deeply touched. I jokingly reminded her not to be too touched yet, I still have to walk it out! 

Unhurry Your Life

Most people think slowing down means getting less done. In truth, hurry hinders us from fully appreciating and caring about what matters most—primarily the people in our path. 

What’s your relationship to hurry? Who in your life most often feels the impact of your rushing? What one small rhythm could you change this week to begin breaking free from your addiction?

Until next time, 

Kent

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By Kent Murawski July 28, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.
By Kent Murawski July 23, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.
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Did you know that 92% of people give up on their goals by January 12th? Pretty shocking, right? I used to be part of that statistic. Every year, I’d write down my goals with excitement, only to find them collecting dust by February. It was frustrating and, honestly, a bit embarrassing. But then I discovered […]
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