Carved into stone at Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece were the words, know thyself. Since the beginning of humankind, there has been a hunger for deeper self-knowledge, but it can also be a paradox.
Navel-gazing is defined as “self-indulgent or excessive contemplation of oneself or a single issue, at the expense of a wider view” (Oxford Dictionary). Without the insight of the Creator, self-knowledge can be limiting and frustrating. In the words of the 16th-century reformer John Calvin,
“There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God.” (John Calvin)
We’ve been exploring your unique design made up of your spiritual gifts, heart/passions, abilities/strengths, personality, and experiences. Author Rick Warren calls this your S.H.A.P.E. but I’ve added one category to the end making it S.H.A.P.E.S.
S – Spiritual Gifts
H – Heart/ Passion
A – Abilities/Natural Strengths
P – Personality
E – Experiences
S – Spheres of Influence (added by me)
Today, we are going to focus on the “P” or your personality.
Seek to Understand More Than to Be Understood
There is no lack of personality tests in the never-ending quest for self-knowledge. Meyers Briggs, the Enneagram, the DISC profile, and Hogan Personality Inventory are just a few, not to mention the dozens of “which movie character are you” personality profiles. Though incomplete on their own, these tools can help you identify your personality and teach you how to relate to different people according to their personality.
Let me give you an example from my own life. I am an “8” on the Enneagram, a “D” on the DISC Test, and an “ENTJ” on the Meyers Briggs. They all confirm that I am a “direct” and “take charge” type of person. Confrontation is a form of intimacy for me. My wife is the exact opposite. She hates confrontation and actively tries to avoid it. Not that we are pros, but over the years, we’ve had to study the other person’s personality in order to know how to best communicate with each other. Sometimes she knows I need to hear something succinct and direct. “Just give it to me straight,” I might say. Even though it’s not her style, she does it because she knows it helps me to understand it better. With her, I’m still learning that I don’t always have to be so direct but more gentle. Practicing active listening has really helped me – not only with her but with communication in general!
We still need room to be ourselves, but accommodating someone else’s personality doesn’t diminish who we are; it demonstrates maturity. In the end, the goal is not to be heard but to understand. When someone feels understood they are much more likely to listen. I’ve always loved the Prayer of St. Francis:
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
It may seem like a paradox, but the more you seek to understand others, the more you will be understood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, and unfortunately, many people feel this way,
“It is a luxury to be understood.”
The Hard Work of Discovery
Discovering your own personality and taking the time to learn how to relate to others is hard work. Like anything worthwhile, it takes time and effort.
3 Tips to “Know Thyself”
If you are not sure where to start, here are a few tips:
First, talk to the designer. If you want to know how something works, ask the designer. If God designed and created you then he can certainly help you know and understand your personality. You are one-of-a-kind. You are the only one who has ever lived with your fingerprint! Though the Bible doesn’t say a lot about your specific personality types, it tracks countless stories of self-discovery as it relates to a person’s relationship with God. Knowing your motivational gifts also becomes important in this scenario as they are a part of your core make-up.
Self-awareness is important but apart from God, it is incomplete.
This has been shared already, but take the time to read it again…slowly:
“There is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self, and no deep knowing of self without a deep knowing of God.” (John Calvin)
Second, take a personality test. Although there are many, here are the ones I like best with a short description:
The Big 5 Model of Personality is one of the most widely accepted personality theories in the scientific community. I recommend you take this one first and let any others you take be in addition to this one.
The DISC Profile – It’s fairly easy to understand and I find it to be quite accurate. It stands for “Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness. When you take the test, you will have both a dominant and secondary personality type. There are also free DISC tests.
The Enneagram – I like the Enneagram, but it can be quite complicated. Dating back to the early Desert Fathers and the Christian monastic movement of the 3rd century, the Enneagram is deeply rooted in Christian spirituality and thinking. The earliest name associated with the Enneagram is a man named Evagrius from the 4th century. He is thought to have come up with eight corresponding virtues and vices he used to think through spiritual formation and relationship with God. They are still a part of the Enneagram today.
The goal of the Enneagram is to get in touch with both the personal and the spiritual and how they interact with who you are and who you are not. In doing so, you would have the self-knowledge to become who you are supposed to be.1
One of the things that set the Enneagram apart is the recognition of the vices. We all know we have them, and the Enneagram takes them seriously going deep into our inner motivations, what drives us, and which sins we most easily succumb to.
You can take a free Enneagram test at yourenneagramcoach.com, and Ian Morgan Cron wrote a good book on the Enneagram called The Road Back to You. I highly recommend it if you want to take a deeper dive into all things Enneagram.
Meyers Briggs – This assessment was the brainchild of Isabel Myers and her mother, Katharine Cook Briggs. Their aim was growth through “understanding and appreciation of individual differences in healthy personalities and to enhance harmony and productivity in diverse groups.”2 Meyers Briggs helps to identify and give robust descriptions of 16 different personality types.
You can take a free version at Personality Perfect.
Third, get a 360-degree view. Too much emphasis on your own personality can become myopic or nearsighted. It’s easy to overthink it, and it can sometimes leave you feeling confused and frustrated. May I suggest asking those who are close to you and those who see you in your everyday “natural habitat” (home, work, and close friends) some questions about your personality? Guides such as spiritual directors, coaches, and counselors can be of help as well.
If you get stuck on a question while doing a personality test, either choose an answer from your gut or ask for help. Go over the results of your personality test with a few other people. If they know you well enough and are willing, you can even ask them to take the test on your behalf to see how it turns out! Some of the tests have that built-in.
The point is; you need the perspective of other people if you are going to really understand yourself. We weren’t meant to do life in a bubble; we were created for community, and it is not good for man to be alone.3
(micro) Purpose Question #8 – Personality
What is my personality? (read Ephesians 2:10, Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 18:1, and take one or more of the personality tests recommended above)
Now write it in a concise statement and add it to questions 1-7.
What are some of your favorite personality tests? Feel free to leave a comment!
Missed One?
If you missed a post, you can go back and read them all here:
- Purpose Quest Intro: When Your Purpose Seems Foggy and Unclear
- Purpose Quest 1: Dealing with Your Daddy Issues
- Purpose Quest 2: You Are Not a Waste of Space
- Purpose Quest 3: Your Purpose Is Not a Mystery
- Purpose Quest 4: You’ve Found Your Purpose, Now What?
- Purpose Quest 5: Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts
- Purpose Quest 6: Passion Inspires Purpose
- Purpose Quest 7: You Are Great at Something
- Purpose Quest 9: There Is Purpose In Your Pain
- Purpose Quest 10: Finding Your People
Endnotes
1 https://www.churchandculture.org/blog/2020/8/24/what-to-make-of-the-enneagram
2 https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/isabel-briggs-myers.htm
3 Genesis 2:18
Photo by Nijwam Swargiary on Unsplash
