What Happens When You Stop Thinking So Much and Start Leading from the Heart
A room full of entrepreneurs watched me cry. And it was the most important business moment of my recent life.
Last month, the mastermind group I’m a part of met in Austin, TX.
A mastermind group is a small, trusted circle of leaders who meet to sharpen each other — iron on iron.
On the second day, we did a private Q & A with Ryan Levesque—a 7-time Inc. 5000 CEO who's generated over $100 million in revenue and recently sold his company to move his family to a farm in Vermont. Smart, humble, and disarmingly real.
Our group leader had told us not to waste his time with dumb questions, so when it was my turn, I asked: “What do you wish people would ask you that no one is asking you?”
His answers so far hadn’t disappointed, so I thought he would drop another pearl of wisdom.
Instead, he turned the question back on me. “I can’t answer that, but what’s so valuable to you, really deep down inside, that you want to ask me about?”
I thought for a few seconds and began, “I think…” He immediately said, “No, don’t think—answer from here,” pointing to his heart.
As hot tears flowed down my face, I asked my question, “How do you take something that is so deep inside of you, that has changed your life, and help people understand that it can transform their lives, too?”
Honestly, I don’t remember how Ryan initially responded, but I do remember the vulnerable story he shared, with tears of his own, about his son. I won’t relate it here since it was a private Q & A session.
But the main point wasn't his story. It was what happened in that room when he let us see him.
What Your 5-year-old Self Has Been Trying to Tell You
Then Ryan gave us an exercise that hit me like a freight train. Imagine yourself as a small child of 4 or 5, climbing up onto the table so you’re finally taller than the adults and fully seen. What would you say, or shout if necessary, to your parents or the most important people in your life?
“See me!” That’s what I would shout.
Growing up, my home was chaos. Yelling was the soundtrack. I felt lost in the mix. Parents always fighting. My sisters and me constantly bickering. My Mom overwhelmed with four kids. My angry Dad either passed out drunk or screaming at my Mom or us. I usually retreated to my room or outside.
“See me,” is a cry for validation, especially from my Dad. I longed for him to teach me to be a man and tell me, “You have what it takes, son.”
Like many men, my early drivenness was an attempt to compensate for my father’s lack of approval. I was chasing a ghost—the ghost of my father’s approval—though I didn’t know it at the time.
I thought that if I could achieve outward success, people might see me—he might see me—and I could finally prove to myself that I was enough.
That comes with a cost.
It nearly tanked my marriage. Alienated my kids. And I nearly lost myself in the process.
Seeking to define myself through accomplishment, I didn’t know who I had become.
Something Shifted
After Ryan left and we were sharing our takeaways from the session, tears flowed again.
Mike, our group leader, had been telling me for years to “lead with vulnerability.”
I always thought of myself as a vulnerable person, but over the years, whether from a calloused heart, the wounds vocational ministry had left, pride that can come with age and proficiency, or something else, that vulnerability had gotten buried.
I always thought of myself as a vulnerable person. But over the years—a calloused heart, the wounds vocational ministry left, the pride that comes with age and proficiency—that vulnerability had gotten buried.
But that day, something cracked open—deep down in a place I'd been protecting for years.
I suddenly understood, at a visceral heart level, what it means to lead with vulnerability.
Why Vulnerability Changes Everything
Vulnerable leadership makes people feel seen, heard, understood.
It gives us the courage to look foolish.
It reminds us that we can’t do it on our own. As John Donne reminded us in his 1623 poem, “No man is an island, entire to himself.”
Moving forward, Kent, the heart communicator, will take the lead.
And Kent the teacher will follow.
Maybe it’s time to stop thinking so much and lead from your heart a little more.
Your RHYTHMS Check
This is about your Emotional and Relational rhythms—vulnerability sits at the intersection of both. Emotional health gives you the courage to feel exposed. Relational health gives you the people who make that exposure safe.
If you don't take the risk of being vulnerable, you stay hidden—successful on the outside, invisible on the inside. Your relationships stay shallow. Your leadership stays transactional. And the people around you never get permission to be real, either.
But when you lead with vulnerability, everything shifts. People trust you more. Relationships deepen. And you finally stop performing your way through life.
Your emotional and relational rhythms determine whether people follow your title or follow you.
This week's RHYTHM OF REST: Share one vulnerable thing with someone you trust—your spouse, a close friend, a mentor, a small group. Brené Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. In other words, if your palms don't get a little sweaty before you share it, it's not vulnerability.
What is the one thing you've been afraid to say out loud—and who is the one person you trust enough to say it to?
Leave a comment and tell me: who are you going to be vulnerable with this week, and what's one thing you've been holding back? I read every response.
Until next time,
Kent
PS - Take my 5-minute RHYTHMS OF REST℠ Assessment to discover where you land on the burnout scale—from Thriving to Critical—and get your free personalized report with next steps.
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