“Silence,” written during a one-day retreat to a local monastery called St. Benedict’s Abbey, is a short essay with three distinct movements.
The Agony of Silence
Silence can be deafening and the stillness disquieting.
It’s like a detox for the soul.
Sitting in silence, in a place absent of distractions, is like withdrawing from the drug of everyday noise and constant connectivity.
We weren’t meant for constant connection to the outside world.
We were meant to breathe and live from rest.
But even now, I write to avoid the agony of silence. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of. Maybe it’s my soul being laid bare. Or the blackness within my own heart that seeps out in not-so-subtle ways as I am still. Or the fear of what I will find when I sit with my thoughts for too long. Or what I will hear in the deafening silence.
Refocus
I refocus and try again. In this place without the usual distractions, my mind hums with ideas. I spend the first 10 minutes fidgeting – unable to focus. Ideas for new activities, emails and blog posts, and fresh business ideas burst into my mind. Then the appointments and obligations of my week, my grumbling stomach, and my desire for another cup of coffee seek to take me further off course.
Anything to keep from being silent and still.
Subside
Finally, after a few tries, the stray thoughts begin to subside and my soul begins to rest. I start to feel the healing power of silence.
The ancient desert father Ammon once wrote, “Behold, my beloved. I have shown you the power of silence, how thoroughly it heals…”
All is well for several minutes.
Until heavy gunfire erupts from nearby Fort Devens, pulling me back into the vortex of my own swirling thoughts and awakening me from the blissful silence. Like the ripples from a pebble thrown into a glass-like pond, the canon fire reverberates in my mind until it runs its course and laps upon the shore.
I drift back into silence once more.
Voices drift in from the hallway. I thought this place was supposed to be quiet?
Noise is pervasive in our modern world. Even when sitting in a lonely wood, you can still hear the drone of traffic from a distant highway or the occasional thrum of a jet passing overhead.
Our modern world isn’t set up for stillness. It’s becoming harder and harder to find.
But the value of stillness far outweighs the effort we expend in search of it.
Silence.
Your Turn
This week, find a silent spot outside of your normal environment and devoid of the usual distractions. Take nothing except a pen and paper. It’s going to be hard. You may have to refocus three, four, or five times before you can quiet your mind. But keep going. After a while, write down what you see when the dust settles.
*Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash
