Rhythms of Life 3: Relationships Are Rocket Ships…Or Submarines

Kent Murawski

Relationships are rocket ships…or they can be submarines. With healthy vibrant relationships, you can be who you are meant to be and go where you need to go. You can soar. But without them (or with the wrong ones), you will go nowhere fast.

Early on in our marriage, I got so angry that I took a bottle of ketchup out of the fridge and sprayed it all over the kitchen (and probably on my wife) in a rage. I told you this was going to get , remember? You didn’t know I meant it literally!

Not my best moment, but also not my worst moment. I almost threw away my best relationship. But I’m getting ahead of myself, more on that a little later in the post.

We all know how important good relationships are to a life of flourishing, and we’ve all heard or seen the tragic stories of people who achieve amazing “success” only to realize there is no one around to celebrate it with them.

Healthy relationships are the glue that holds our lives together, and without them, life feels empty and meaningless.

A wise person once said, “it is not good for man to be alone.”¹

I have no doubts he was right.

The R.E.S.T. Framework

In my last post, I introduced you to the R.E.S.T. Framework. It’s a modern-day take on what the ancients called a “Rule of Life,” but I refer to it as a Rhythm of Life. A Rhythm of Life is a set of practices that flow from identifying the most important parts of life and the values that stem from them. It gives us structure and enables us to thrive and be whole in all of life rather than just one part. Here are the four core rhythms as I’ve defined them:

  1. R – We are RELATIONAL beings
  2. E – We are EMOTIONAL beings
  3. S – We are SPIRITUAL beings
  4. T – We are TANGIBLE or physical beings

Each of these four core rhythms has three practices that lead us toward a state of wholeness. There are twelve practices in all that I will be sharing in this series. The overall theory I want to test is this:

Real success and fulfillment come through wholeness, not achievement. 

For the next several weeks, we will talk about the importance of good relationships when it comes to a life of thriving, what relationships you need, and how to cultivate them.

“Life IS Relationships…”

Gary Smalley famously said, “Life is relationships, the rest is just details.” Simply put, if your relationships aren’t doing well, neither will you. Think about it: your best and worst moments are probably all connected to and shaped by relationships. Here are a few:

  • Your best friend
  • Your husband or wife
  • Your children
  • Your favorite teacher, coach or mentor
  • Your evil stepmother
  • Your harsh father
  • Your abusive uncle
  • The death of someone important to you

My point is that we are indelibly marked by our relationships.

I Almost Threw It All Away…

My most important relationships are with my wife, my three kids, and my two closest friends.

But I almost threw one of them away.

The early years of my marriage were a complete mess, mainly because of me. The son of an angry father and the product of a highly dysfunctional family, I had no clue how to have a healthy marriage.

Some of you may think differently about me after this. That’s OK. I once heard Anne Voskamp say, “Being vulnerable about our shortcomings has the power to remove shame from someone else.” I believe that. So, here goes. I was prideful, loud, argumentative, belligerent, selfish, rude, and vulgar. I yelled and screamed a lot, swore, punched holes in walls, and threw things.

Hold on, it gets worse…

I was emotionally abusive, used physical intimidation, and got physically rough with my wife a few times.

She would be the first to tell you she’s not perfect, but if I’m honest, she probably should have left me.

For a long time (I’m talking years), I didn’t think our marriage was going to make it. And if I’m honest, the vast majority of it was my fault. I share some of how we made it in this post, Marriage in the Raw: Sex, Conflict and Other Stuff That Helped Us Make It To Twenty Years. 

It would have been convenient to blame my father for all my anger, after all, that’s what I saw growing up, but at some point, boys must become men who take responsibility and ownership for their own lives. So, that’s what I did.

It all started with admitting I had a problem that I couldn’t overcome on my own.

If this kind of sounds like the first of the Twelve Steps from AA, it is!

We admitted we were powerless over __________ (it says alcohol, but you fill in the blank) — that our lives had become unmanageable.

Without knowing it, my journey paralleled the Twelve Steps almost verbatim. I won’t list them all here, but I would encourage you to check out the Twelve Steps for yourself. There is amazing power in them and I don’t think they are just for addicts.

I admitted I had a problem, cried out to God for help, sought help from other humans (friends and counselors), and did the hard work. It took years. After year seven, things got a little better. There were no more episodes like I described above, but I can’t say things got significantly better until around year fifteen with our second round of marriage counseling.

Though it’s clear I’m not the hero of this story, there’s one thing I can say for myself, I am not a quitter – especially when it comes to things that really matter.

Over time it has paid off, and today I’m a different person.

Our relationship is not perfect, but I can say with confidence that my wife is my best friend and our relationship is better than it’s ever been. It’s a source of life, strength, and vitality. Feel free to ask her if you don’t believe me.

I still have my struggles, but now I catch myself. I’m not going down that path again.

This definition of success from John Maxell is one of the best I’ve ever heard, and I’ve adopted it as my own. He said, “Success is when the people who know me the best love and respect me the most.” That’s what I’m striving for these days.

Learn from me. It doesn’t need to take you nearly losing the best person in your life to figure it out.

But if you’re already there, I want you to know there’s hope.

And if you’ve already lost one or more of the best relationships in your life, it’s not the end.

Where We’re Going from Here…

If you want to thrive and be whole in life (who doesn’t want that), you can’t do it without healthy vibrant relationships. You also can’t get where you need to go without the right relationships. In the next several posts, I’m going to help you figure out which relationships you need the most and how to cultivate them.

Missed One? 

You can access the Whole Rhythms of Life Series from here.

Endnotes

¹   The Holy Bible, Genesis 2:18

*Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

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By Kent Murawski August 21, 2025
51 degrees. 10 weeks out from my knee surgery, I am only able to bend my knee 51 degrees when it should be 90. I thought I'd be playing golf by now—instead, I'm scheduling my second surgery. Due to a buildup of scar tissue, I will need to have arthroscopic lysis of adhesions and closed manipulation. Translation: general anesthesia, a ⅜ inch incision, remove the excess scar tissue with an arthroscopic cutting device, and then manually bend my knee to 90 degrees. Fun-wow. My initial reaction was one of shock, anger, sadness, confusion, disappointment, and a profound sense of hopelessness. Since then, I’ve accepted it, found a new physical therapist, and moved on. But I’m still not happy about it. When was the last time you got news that made you want to punch a wall? Initially, after hearing the news of a second surgery, that’s how I felt—angry, sad, devastated, and hopeless. My honest fear was What if my leg never fully heals? But here's what I’ve learned about handling life's curveballs. Someone really needs to hear this. Why High Achievers Struggle Most with Disappointment It can be tough to work through bad news—especially for high achievers who highly value progress and productivity. We are often hardest on ourselves, and it’s easy to get stuck if we are always measuring forward against an ideal rather than backward from the place where we started. One thing we rarely do is allow ourselves time to grieve and process disappointments. The grief process isn't just for death—it applies to every loss, including business failures, missed promotions, health setbacks, and relationship disappointments. In the face of my disappointing news, I took 24 hours to mope, grieve, express my anger, and then move to acceptance. With less consequential setbacks, decide how long you need to grieve (sometimes you may not know, but you can always add time if need be), and then move on. Here's what most leaders miss: Before acceptance comes an acknowledgment of pain and loss. Professor Terry Wardle wisely said, "Life is a series of ungrieved losses. Every loss in life demands an appropriate season of grieving. Loss is meant to be grieved, and when we fail to grieve losses, that loss internalizes." Without taking time to grieve, you will be tempted to keep going back there because you didn’t properly grieve it in the first place. But grieving isn’t just a solitary act; it involves other people. Professor Wardle goes on to say, “Grieving loss begins with finding a safe environment with people who are non-condemning, empathetic, who are confidential, and who finally give you the permission to say what’s inside and say it like it is.” In my case, that happened with my family, a few close friends, and my counselor. Who are your safe people when disappointment hits? The Hidden Cost of Staying Stuck Staying too long in your grief can also be damaging, leading to bitterness, cynicism, and perpetual disappointment—the leadership killers that destroy confidence, teams, and marriages. But how do you know when it’s time to move on? With less consequential things, it’s usually a choice, but the greater the grief, the longer the process, especially when it involves other people. You'll know you've processed it properly when you can talk about the disappointment without your chest tightening, when you can make decisions about your future without that loss controlling your choices. No, I’m still not happy about it, but taking time to grieve has helped me accept my second surgery and move on. Since it can’t be changed, my only choice is to face it head-on and prepare mentally and physically. Your REST Check Most high achievers simply push through disappointment and get back to work, but the truth is that unprocessed grief can become internalized bitterness, which will ultimately sabotage your life and leadership. If you skip the grieving process, you'll carry that disappointment into every relationship, every future decision, every team meeting, every strategic planning session. But if you give yourself permission to properly grieve, you'll develop emotional resilience. You'll make decisions from wisdom, not fear. You'll become the leader who helps others navigate their setbacks because you've learned to move through your own. Properly processing your grief determines whether setbacks will make you bitter or better. This week's Rhythm of REST : When disappointment hits, give yourself a specific timeframe to feel it fully before moving to acceptance. Twenty-four hours for smaller setbacks, longer for major losses. Find your safe people. Process it properly. What's one disappointment you've been "powering through" that actually needs to be grieved? Until next time, Kent PS - I know I didn’t finish telling you Brandon’s story, but I felt someone needed to hear this. Next time, I’ll share more about Brandon and what Rhythms of REST actually means. Whenever you’re ready, there are three ways I can help you… Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my Win the Morning, Win the Day! Minicourse Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop Sources How the Five Stages of Grief Can Help Process a Loss , Very Well Mind 5 Stages of Grief: How to Cope with Loss , West Georgia Wellness Center CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses
By Kent Murawski August 20, 2025
Brandon, a successful CEO of an education company, hadn't taken a day off in years. The company was doing fine—growing revenue, adding new accounts, and preparing to sell. But when we first talked, he couldn't remember a thought walking from one room to the next. Until we started working together. 2-3 months later, he went from working 12-15 hours per day to 2-4 hours per day. Today, he is a different person. Here's what I've learned from Brandon and dozens of other high achievers: The problem isn't that you're not productive enough. The problem is you're running a marathon at sprint pace, and your body, relationships, clarity, and joy are paying the price. You don't need another productivity hack. You need sustainable rhythms. That's why I'm shifting this newsletter from Catalyst to something more focused: Rhythms of REST . Every other Sunday, I'll share what I'm learning about how successful people actually sustain their success without burning out. Real frameworks. Real stories. Real results like Brandon's. Then during off weeks, I'll check in to see how it's going. If you're already subscribed, you're good to go. Just watch for Rhythms of REST starting this Sunday, August 24, 2025. Because here's the thing—you can keep pushing until something breaks, or you can learn to move differently. Brandon chose differently. His company didn't suffer—it thrived. He's no longer overwhelmed and anxious. His faith has grown tremendously. And his workload feels more than manageable. What would be possible if you chose differently, too? Hit reply and tell me: What's one thing you'd do if you had 8 extra hours in your week? I read every response. Until next time, Kent
By Kent Murawski July 28, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.
By Kent Murawski July 23, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this. Until next time, Kent
By Kent Murawski May 26, 2025
“Should I end this?” were the last words I said before collapsing to the ground in excruciating pain. The only thing I ended that day was my basketball career ⛹️! On Sunday, May 18, 2025, I ruptured my patella tendon playing basketball with my boys. We were playing a game of P.I.G., and it was […]
By Kent Murawski May 16, 2025
“You’re not going to become a monk, are you?”  My wife asked me this after I excitedly returned from a week-long retreat to a Trappist monastery and my growing fascination with monastic rhythms.  The obvious answer is no, since I’m neither single nor celibate It began the previous week when my twelve-year-old son and I […]
By Kent Murawski May 7, 2025
I always thought the big decisions were what shaped my life trajectory, but my 50th birthday celebration revealed something way more interesting—it’s actually the tiny, everyday choices that determine where you ultimately end up. It was the most meaningful birthday I’ve ever had.  Fair warning, this is a long one, but it will be worth […]
By Kent Murawski March 19, 2025
Your capacity to recognize when to pause may be more valuable than knowing when to push. Lately, I haven’t had anything to write, which is a rare occurrence. Sure, I could try to pound something out or pull some unused content out of the archives (which I have tons of), but here’s what I’ve discovered: […]
By Kent Murawski March 6, 2025
How are you? Your answer to this question reveals more about your future success and well-being than any strategic plan. We often wear busyness as a badge of honor. Ask ten people how they are doing, and nine out of ten times the answer will be, “busy.” That’s not the way things ought to be. […]
By Kent Murawski January 30, 2025
The weight of unrealistic self-expectations can feel crushing, especially at the start of a new year. January is not even over, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed.  It’s often said that we can be our own worst bosses or that the most challenging person to lead is the person in the mirror.  What do you do […]