#9: What Your Calendar Reveals About Your Values
When was the last time you looked at your values and actually felt convicted?
I created my personal core values years ago.
Read them every day. Have most of them memorized. Use them as a decision-making compass. They are so ingrained in me that I can’t live any other way.
To go outside of my values is failure. To live within them is success.
The Reality Gap
If only it were that easy.
Though I do seek to live my values in everything, in the day-to-day scramble of life, it’s easy to lose sight of them or default to an easier option. I’m not perfect, and I’m not always going to get it right.
Neither are you.
The urgent question you need to ask is, am I moving closer and closer to the person I want to be or drifting further away?
Values aren't just reminders. They're the architecture of your soul. When you live disconnected from them, you feel it—even when everything looks successful on the outside.
Knowing your values is a good start, but living by them requires intentionality.
Values In Action
Let me show you what this looks like in real life—the messy, trackable, accountable version.
One of my personal values is “Intentional,” which simply means to do something by design. In my case, this primarily refers to my relationships. Because values without action are just nice words, I define it as an action, “I create thriving relationships by being an intentional husband, father, and friend.”
But that’s still not enough. Here are some specific behaviors I practice in order to be intentional with my most important relationships:
Wife - We aim to talk three times per week for at least 30 minutes, a bi-weekly date night, an entire day together quarterly, and a yearly getaway.
Kids - I aim to intentionally connect with one of my kids each week. That could be an outing with one of them, watching a show, or just knocking on their door to chat for a bit. They all happen to live at home right now, but as they move out, that will become a weekly phone call or touch point.
Friends - I aim to connect with my closest friends face-to-face once per month, and try to text them at least once in between. Living an hour away makes this harder, but that's exactly why I track it.
Peter Drucker, sometimes referred to as the father of modern management once said, “If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it.”
Your values are no exception.
A good relationship can be hard to measure (you intuitively know how you feel about them—good, bad, or somewhere in between), but what creates a good relationship is easier to measure—time spent, effective communication, listening, dates, etc.
These are my greatest opportunities for impact. My wife needs a husband who pursues her. My kids need a father who champions them. My friends need someone who shows up—in the small moments and the crises.
Failure here ripples through generations.
As
John Maxwell wrote and I've embraced as my own definition of relational success, "Success is when the people who know me best respect me the most."
The Proof
How do I know I’m living this value? My wife recently commented on this during a conversation with one of my kids. She said, “Your Dad is one of the most intentional people I know. He has a reason for everything he does and has thought through it. It’s one of the things I love about him.”
I’ve always been intentional, but in the past, my intentionality was lopsided—toward things that mattered less—like work, success, and growth.
Being intentional about work is good. Being intentional about work while your relationships get your leftovers? That's a different story.
Your Rhythms Check
Your values are the cornerstones of all four rhythms—Relational, Emotional, Spiritual, and Tangible—understanding who you are at your core and aligning your daily life with that identity. They're not just words on paper, they're the architecture of your soul. When you live disconnected from them, you experience internal friction, even if everything looks successful on the outside.
Start by clearly identifying your values. If not you'll wake up one day realizing you've been climbing the wrong ladder. Your calendar will be full, your bank account might be healthy, but you’ll feel empty and the people who matter most will feel like they got your leftovers. You'll be successful in everyone's eyes except yourself and the people who know you best.
That’s not success.
But if you make your values non-negotiable, you’ll create alignment between who you say you are and who you actually are. Your decisions become clearer. Your relationships become richer. You stop living in constant internal conflict. You build a life that looks successful from the outside AND feels restful on the inside.
Your values determine whether you're building a life or just managing a schedule.
This week's rhythm: Take 10 minutes to write down your top 3 values. Then ask someone close to you: "Based on how I actually spend my time and energy, what do you think my real values are?" Don't defend. Just listen. The gap between your stated values and their answer is your growth edge.
Here are two great resources I've used to help me:
The wake up call: If your calendar and bank statement were audited, what would they say your real values are—not what you wish they were?
Hit reply and tell me: What's ONE value you say matters to you, but if you're honest, your life doesn't currently reflect it? And what's ONE thing you're going to do in the next 24 hours to close that gap?
Until next time,
Kent
Whenever you're ready, there are four ways I can help you...
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