Questions About Sex, Love and Relationships – 2
Kent Murawski
I started a series on the blog called, “Questions About Sex, Love and Relationships.” In it, I’m answering some questions that came in during our series at Journey Church on the same topic. Here is the question for this post:
What does the bible say about inter-religious dating? (What if the other person is questioning?)
First of all, I’m not a fan of dating in the traditional sense of the word. I think of dating as “trying out” different people until you find one that fits. Rather, I’m a fan of courting, or entering into a relationship to see whether or not you are compatible for marriage. You may be saying, “that’s a big step, don’t you have to date first?” If you keep your relationships in the context of a friendship, it makes it much easier to get to know a person. You can get to know someone way better in the context of friendship than you can if you exclusively “date” them, and you can do it without the pressure of physical intimacy. Once you cross the line of physical intimacy, you will always want to default to that (especially if you are attracted to them).
Inter-religious dating can have a very negative impact on your life and your relationship with God. If it progresses to marriage, that person can actually turn your heart away from the Lord. Once you are married you become “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) That means, in God’s eyes, He sees you as one person or “unit.” You still have your individual qualities and are an individual person, but you have joined together as one flesh and made a covenant before God. It’s really hard not to become like a person when you are one with them, and many times, sadly enough, the relationship will take on the characteristics of the person who is not following Jesus.
I will give you an Old Testament example and a New Testament one. Let’s start with Solomon.
1 Kings 11:1-2 NIV
– King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. (2) They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.”
Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.
The Lord warned the Israelites about intermarrying with foreign women because they would turn their hearts after other gods. You would think that Solomon’s faith in God would have caused all his wives (700 in all and 300 concubines – he must have been “busy” all the time) to turn and worship His God, but that’s not what happened. Verse 13 goes on to say that, “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God…” So in a marriage, the temperature of the relationship tends to gravitate towards the person who is not walking with God. You may think you are going to be strong and change the persons heart, but most of the time, that’s not how it works! That is the wrong motive in marriage anyway. You should go into a relationship, and eventually a marriage, with the attitude that if this person never changes, I would marry them just as they are right now. In other words, what you see is what you get! If the person is whole heartedly pursuing the Lord in the relationship and engagement then they will most likely continue to do so in marriage. That’s why you need to join yourself to someone who is on the same pathway as you – pursuing the Lord with all their heart!
Marriage is hard enough even when both people are fully committed to the Lord. If one person is not walking with God, it makes marriage much more difficult and even agonizing. You can also check out Deuteronomy 7:3.
Listen what H. Jackson Brown Jr. said, “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”
Here is a New Testament Principle:
2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV
– Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Although this passage isn’t specifically referring to a marital relationship, the principle still stands. “Yoked” refers to oxen being put together for pulling a cart or plowing a field. If they are “unequally yoked,” how can they pull the cart together effectively? One will constantly be throwing off the balance and the cart will continuously have to stop or veer off course. It is also a military term that refers to “keeping in your own rank” and not leaving the ranks of Christian community to join with unbelievers. It’s not saying you can’t have relationships with unbelievers, how else can we be salt and light to a hurting world? We are to be salt and light without participating in their sinful ways. That’s pretty hard to do if you are dating them.
What if they are questioning?
The best thing you can do if they are questioning is pray for them, be their friend, answer their questions (or find answers) and share the gospel with them – NOT DATE THEM! Flirting to convert is definitely not a practice I recommend! The underlying issue is you need to believe that God has a person for you that is on the same path, shares in the same faith and convictions, and will grow together with you in your relationship with Jesus. Don’t get impatient and try to make it happen your own way. I have seen too many people do this and end up in a bad situation. Trust the Lord and wait for the right person. Often, you will find them as you focus on whole-heartedly pursuing the Lord and becoming the person you would want to have.
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When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.
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