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Kent Murawski

Reach your potential, make a difference

Discipleship, General, Relationships ·

Questions About Sex, Love and Relationships – 2

I started a series on the blog called, “Questions About Sex, Love and Relationships.”  In it, I’m answering some questions that came in during our series at Journey Church on the same topic.  Here is the question for this post:

What does the bible say about inter-religious dating?  (What if the other person is questioning?)

First of all, I’m not a fan of dating in the traditional sense of the word.  I think of dating as “trying out” different people until you find one that fits.  Rather, I’m a fan of courting, or entering into a relationship to see whether or not you are compatible for marriage.  You may be saying, “that’s a big step, don’t you have to date first?”  If you keep your relationships in the context of a friendship, it makes it much easier to get to know a person.  You can get to know someone way better in the context of friendship than you can if you exclusively “date” them, and you can do it without the pressure of physical intimacy.  Once you cross the line of physical intimacy, you will always want to default to that (especially if you are attracted to them). 

Inter-religious dating can have a very negative impact on your life and your relationship with God.  If it progresses to marriage, that person can actually turn your heart away from the Lord.  Once you are married you become “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)  That means, in God’s eyes, He sees you as one person or “unit.”  You still have your individual qualities and are an individual person, but you have joined together as one flesh and made a covenant before God.  It’s really hard not to become like a person when you are one with them, and many times, sadly enough, the relationship will take on the characteristics of the person who is not following Jesus. 

I will give you an Old Testament example and a New Testament one.  Let’s start with Solomon. 

1 Kings 11:1-2 NIV – King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. (2) They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.
  
 The Lord warned the Israelites about intermarrying with foreign women because they would turn their hearts after other gods.  You would think that Solomon’s faith in God would have caused all his wives (700 in all and 300 concubines – he must have been “busy” all the time) to turn and worship His God, but that’s not what happened.  Verse 13 goes on to say that, “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God…”  So in a marriage, the temperature of the relationship tends to gravitate towards the person who is not walking with God.  You may think you are going to be strong and change the persons heart, but most of the time, that’s not how it works!  That is the wrong motive in marriage anyway.  You should go into a relationship, and eventually a marriage, with the attitude that if this person never changes, I would marry them just as they are right now.  In other words, what you see is what you get!  If the person is whole heartedly pursuing the Lord in the relationship and engagement then they will most likely continue to do so in marriage.  That’s why you need to join yourself to someone who is on the same pathway as you – pursuing the Lord with all their heart!  Marriage is hard enough even when both people are fully committed to the Lord.  If one person is not walking with God, it makes marriage much more difficult and even agonizing.  You can also check out Deuteronomy 7:3.
 
Listen what H. Jackson Brown Jr. said, “Marry the right person.  This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.” 
 
 Here is a New Testament Principle:
 
2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV – Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.  For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Although this passage isn’t specifically referring to a marital relationship, the principle still stands.  “Yoked” refers to oxen being put together for pulling a cart or plowing a field.  If they are “unequally yoked,” how can they pull the cart together effectively?  One will constantly be throwing off the balance and the cart will continuously have to stop or veer off course.  It is also a military term that refers to “keeping in your own rank” and not leaving the ranks of Christian community to join with unbelievers.  It’s not saying you can’t have relationships with unbelievers, how else can we be salt and light to a hurting world?  We are to be salt and light without participating in their sinful ways.  That’s pretty hard to do if you are dating them.   
 
What if they are questioning? 

The best thing you can do if they are questioning is pray for them, be their friend, answer their questions (or find answers) and share the gospel with them – NOT DATE THEM!  Flirting to convert is definitely not a practice I recommend!  The underlying issue is you need to believe that God has a person for you that is on the same path, shares in the same faith and convictions, and will grow together with you in your relationship with Jesus.  Don’t get impatient and try to make it happen your own way.  I have seen too many people do this and end up in a bad situation.  Trust the Lord and wait for the right person.  Often, you will find them as you focus on whole-heartedly pursuing the Lord and becoming the person you would want to have. 

 
 

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Again, awesome post. I feel as if this is a really “gray” area for a lot of Christian teenagers, especially at diverse places like Harvard. More pastors should speak about this topic; it can be really hard to make wise decisions when feelings and good intentions are involved. Great advice on if they are questioning-thank you.

  2. This is such a dangerous area, both in the context of becoming unequally yoked to an unbeliever, and in the context of “dating”. When two people start “dating” they begin to build emotional intimacy. They start to become one heart. We emotionally give ourselves to one another. Then when the relationship breaks off, we leave a part of ourselves with the other person and take a part of the other person with us for just about the rest of our lives. That is really dangerous if you think about it.

    Imagine if you are married that you are married not only to your spouse, but also to pieces of every relationship he/she has ever been involved in. That’s a dangerous thought.