7 Things That Will Help You Be A Better Father (or parent)

Kent Murawski

I desire to be the best Dad I can be. Like you, I’m not a perfect, far from it in fact. I haven’t arrived. Heck, I haven’t even hit the teenage years yet (mercy, Lord)! Even so, I have learned a few things about fatherhood over the last 12 years that may be helpful.

As parents, our vision for parenting is simple and twofold:

  1. To raise world changers for Christ
  2. To have a life long relationship with our kids. The goal: that our kids want to come home even when they don’t have to.

In tribute to my three children for Father’s Day, here are six things I’ve learned that will help you become a better Dad:

1) Lead your family. Don’t leave it to your wife to shoulder the weight of decision-making and the direction of the family. You need her input, but it’s up to you to set the tone. Your wife and kids are looking for you to take initiative and lead the way. Here are a couple ways you shouldn’t compromise:

Dad, it’s up to you to set the tone and lead your family.
Click To Tweet

  • Lead them spiritually. Are you investing in your children spiritually or are you letting them fend for themselves? Do you view it as the church’s job to lead them or yours? Let’s face it. It’s hard to disciple your kids. In fact, it’s hard to disciple anyone. We like to take an intentional but organic approach to discipleship with our kids. Deuteronomy 6 is a great blueprint.

Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone.* 5  And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6  And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7  Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8  Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9 NLT)

Talk to them whenever you get the chance. It starts with you, Dad. Love God with everything you’ve got, love your wife and your children above yourself; and then teach it to your children . They will take their cues from you.

  • Be intentional and proactive. Equip them for life. Don’t let the school system or the church raise them. This past year, we sent our kids to public school for the first time after several years of homeschooling. We’ve always been up front with our kids about tough issues but this required even more intentionality. We had laid a good spiritual foundation, but we also wanted to prepare them for what they were going to encounter, so we had age appropriate talks about sex and other things they were going to encounter (my son was 10, my daughter was 8). I wanted them to hear it from us before they heard it from their friends. Of course that’s not the end. We check in with them and leave the door open to talk to us when they hear something they are unfamiliar with. The book we used to prep for the sex talk is called, The Wonderful Way Babies Are Made .  It has two levels of the discussion so it can apply to both younger kids and older kids who are ready for the full story.

2) Spend time with your kids. In 1974 the average dad spent just 5 minutes per day of quality time with their kids while today, the average dad spends 35 minutes. That is encouraging! This can be a struggle, especially for Dad’s. When we come home from work we are tired (but probably not as tired as Mom). It’s easy to want to relax rather than engage. One person I know calls it the rubber band effect. Like a rubber band, we have a natural tendency to let loose after work. Don’t do it. Keep the rubber band tight and stay engaged. Play with your kids, help them with their homework, help your wife out, and if possible, give her some time alone. Then, closer to their bed time, you can let the rubber band loose. Here are a few other ways you can be intentional about spending time with your kids.

  • Schedule dates or outings with your kids. My wife and I try to take turns going on a date with each child alone once per month.
  • Take them on special trips alone. My son and I like to camp, so we go on a special father/son camping trip once a year.
  • Institute a family night. This is huge. Every Friday night we shut out the world and spend time together. We might watch a movie, play a game, or go get ice cream but the point is being together! My kids hate to miss it. They will skip other things just to do family night!

3) Don’t overreact when they tell you scary things. This happens more often as they get older. As I mentioned, we want our kids to hear the hard stuff from us first, so all along, we’ve been real with our kids. Even after that, they still come home with some things we haven’t talked to them about. Because we’ve left the door open and we don’t over react, they feel comfortable coming to us with their questions. They know we aren’t going to get upset and they are not going to get into trouble.

4) Severely limit their Internet use. The Internet is an amazing tool, which can be used for good or bad. Unmonitored Internet access for children is a ticking time bomb. The average age of exposure to pornography is around 9 years old. As someone who was exposed to porn early (in my day it wasn’t the Internet) and struggled with sexual addiction myself, I’m telling you, you don’t want that for your kids. Beyond porn, there are other landmines as well. Trust me, your kids are smarter than you are when it comes to technology. Don’t take their word for it. Do your best to train them so they understand the dangers. Call me old school but in the end their Internet access still needs to be monitored while they are under your roof.

Your kids are smarter than you when it comes to technology
Click To Tweet

If they do have a smart phone or iPad, you can set restrictions under the parental controls. Here are some other helpful tools to do that:

  • Covenant Eyes – We’ve had good luck with this. You can have a family plan, set a personalized filter for every child, and have their Internet activity emailed to you.
  • Circle with Disney – I’ve heard good things about this device that manages content and time across all devices in your home. For $99 bucks, it’s a no brainer.

5) Say yes sometimes. It’s easy to say no. It just becomes habit. As your children get older, their freedom needs to increase – if they are trustworthy that is. Freedom needs to be given bit by bit and tested. Start with small things like riding your bike around the block, staying home alone for 10-15 minutes, or allowing your kids to get their own snack after school. Give them clear guidelines and see how they do. Talk about responsibility. Let them try and fail in the small stuff first.

6) Be transparent about your shortcomings. I’ve never been afraid to tell my kids about my shortcomings (in an age appropriate way of course). Your kids already know you’re not perfect and they still think the world of you and want to be like you. We sometimes tend to think if we tell them the ways we’ve failed, they will think less of us. The opposite is actually true. They will respect you more because they know they don’t have to be perfect either. Use it as an opportunity to tell them about the grace of God. Tell them how you’ve failed over and over, but God forgave you and helped you overcome in time.

Transparency will cause your kids will respect you more, not less
Click To Tweet

Also, don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry and ask for forgiveness. A bit of humble pie goes a long way with your kids.

7) Teach your kids to respect their Mom. I saved one of the most important ones for last. Dad’s, your kids will learn to respect their mom (and for boys, ladies) by the way you treat her. We don’t have a lot of rules in our house, but one of them is, respect your Mom! I tell them, if you do this, things will go well for you. If not, things will go poorly. Your wife needs you to back her up in the home. What Mom says, goes. Even if you don’t agree with it, back it until you can talk to her privately.

Conclusion

Dad, you are the leader of your home. God saw fit to place your wife and children under your care. He has the power and grace to help you as you step out in faith and become the leader and father He created you be. Now go do it!

What has helped you be a better Dad? Share your comments!

Share this Post:

3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out

By Kent Murawski • July 28, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.

Why you're exhausted before fall even arrives...

By Kent Murawski • July 23, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.

Crisis Creates Clarity

By Kent Murawski • May 26, 2025
“Should I end this?” were the last words I said before collapsing to the ground in excruciating pain. The only thing I ended that day was my basketball career ⛹️! On Sunday, May 18, 2025, I ruptured my patella tendon playing basketball with my boys. We were playing a game of P.I.G., and it was […]

‘When You Hurry, You No Longer Care’: A Wake-Up Call from the Monastery

By Kent Murawski • May 16, 2025
“You’re not going to become a monk, are you?”  My wife asked me this after I excitedly returned from a week-long retreat to a Trappist monastery and my growing fascination with monastic rhythms.  The obvious answer is no, since I’m neither single nor celibate It began the previous week when my twelve-year-old son and I […]

The View from 50

By Kent Murawski • May 7, 2025
I always thought the big decisions were what shaped my life trajectory, but my 50th birthday celebration revealed something way more interesting—it’s actually the tiny, everyday choices that determine where you ultimately end up. It was the most meaningful birthday I’ve ever had.  Fair warning, this is a long one, but it will be worth […]

The Productive Power of Strategic Pauses

By Kent Murawski • March 19, 2025
Your capacity to recognize when to pause may be more valuable than knowing when to push. Lately, I haven’t had anything to write, which is a rare occurrence. Sure, I could try to pound something out or pull some unused content out of the archives (which I have tons of), but here’s what I’ve discovered: […]

How Are You? (The Success Predictor)

By Kent Murawski • March 6, 2025
How are you? Your answer to this question reveals more about your future success and well-being than any strategic plan. We often wear busyness as a badge of honor. Ask ten people how they are doing, and nine out of ten times the answer will be, “busy.” That’s not the way things ought to be. […]

The Hidden Cost of Being Too Hard On Yourself

By Kent Murawski • January 30, 2025
The weight of unrealistic self-expectations can feel crushing, especially at the start of a new year. January is not even over, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed.  It’s often said that we can be our own worst bosses or that the most challenging person to lead is the person in the mirror.  What do you do […]

The Missed Opportunity in Failed Dreams

By Kent Murawski • January 16, 2025
Failed dreams can become your greatest victories. While dreams are essential for hope and growth, unfulfilled dreams can breed disillusionment. Yet what appears to be a “failed” dream often reveals itself as an opportunity. Barbara Corcoran, the renowned Shark Tank Investor, once said, “All my best successes came on the heels of failure.” This wisdom […]

Less Is More (Why Resolutions Don’t Work)

By Kent Murawski • January 4, 2025
Did you know that 92% of people give up on their goals by January 12th? Pretty shocking, right? I used to be part of that statistic. Every year, I’d write down my goals with excitement, only to find them collecting dust by February. It was frustrating and, honestly, a bit embarrassing. But then I discovered […]