5 Things to Anchor Yourself When Life Feels Out of Control

Kent Murawski

My life is changing quickly, and I feel afraid.

Can anyone relate?

Change is hard for all of us, and often, when it rains it pours. The last year has been one challenge after another, and to be honest, we are getting tired of it. My dad died. Our family dynamic is changing with two older teens and one starting college (as well as some really difficult family situations we’ve been facing). On top of that, I’m in a midlife career transition wrapping up a twenty-year career as a pastor and minister and moving to…I’m not sure yet.

Things feel overwhelming right now, and quite honestly, I’m not doing that well.

I’m not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me. I don’t want or need pity. You have your own challenges to navigate. But I do want to be vulnerable with you, and we all need someone to get in the pit with us at times. It’s called empathy. And maybe you need some right now, too.

I also want you to know; you are not alone.

What do we do when life feels like it’s spinning out of control and there is no end in sight?

5 Things to Anchor You When Life Feels Out of Control

As a leader, I’m used to helping others, but lately, when it comes to my own life, I’m at a loss. These aren’t answers, but here are some things I’m learning in the midst of change and transition that might be of help to you as well.

1) Go easy on yourself

Life is difficult enough already without us being hard on ourselves. We are small (not unimportant) and finite. We don’t have all the answers. We don’t understand why certain things happen, and we may not understand until much later if at all. It’s best not to try to figure everything out – especially when we are right in the middle of it.

The old saying is usually true. Hindsight is 20/20.

2) Be careful of your self-talk

This is connected to the previous one. I’m hard on myself anyway, but during these challenging times, my self-talk has been terrible. The problem with negative self-talk is that we start to believe it. I’ve realized some destructive patterns in my own self-talk, and I’m trying to change them, but it’s ever so slow. That’s why I’m going to record some confessions and affirmations on my phone about who I really am and who I know myself to be.

3) Surrender

When life seems to be spinning out of control, it’s helpful to remember that we are not in charge. There are times to swim upstream and there are other times when it’s best to surrender to the current. By surrender, I don’t mean we should give way to the current of our myopic selves or worst tendencies. Instead, we must resign ourselves to the fact that there is someone or something bigger than us, moving us along, and in the end – if we surrender – things will work out for our good.

4) Get some help

Life is infinitely more difficult when we try to face it on our own. That’s why I’m talking to my wife, friends, and mentors. It’s also why I’m seeing a counselor right now. People can’t solve your problems, but they can give empathy and validation. The right people can also provide insight and tools we may not have.

There’s an old African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.”

5) Take things as they come

“Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.” That’s a line from the Serenity Prayer. It’s a prayer that has come to be associated with addicts. And for a recovering control addict like me, it’s a lifeline. When life is changing all around us, it’s easy to obsess about what’s coming down the road, but as we know, focusing on too many unknowns quickly leads to anxiety.

A wise man once said, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. ” (Jesus of Nazareth)

I can’t say it any better than that.

Let’s Do This…Together

I’ve shared this today because I want to live from a place of vulnerability. Because people always relate better to our weaknesses than our strengths. As Brené Brown so beautifully taught us, vulnerability is hard because it requires emotional exposure and risk, but it is so worth it.

Will you share one struggle you’re facing today and what you are learning in the process in the comments below? I promise there will be no judgment, only empathy.

More importantly, why not reach out to someone close to you and share it with them? You won’t regret it.

And always remember, you are not alone.

Your friend,

Kent

PS – Want to support my writing? You can

* Photo by William Randles on Unsplash

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By Kent Murawski August 21, 2025
51 degrees. 10 weeks out from my knee surgery, I am only able to bend my knee 51 degrees when it should be 90. I thought I'd be playing golf by now—instead, I'm scheduling my second surgery. Due to a buildup of scar tissue, I will need to have arthroscopic lysis of adhesions and closed manipulation. Translation: general anesthesia, a ⅜ inch incision, remove the excess scar tissue with an arthroscopic cutting device, and then manually bend my knee to 90 degrees. Fun-wow. My initial reaction was one of shock, anger, sadness, confusion, disappointment, and a profound sense of hopelessness. Since then, I’ve accepted it, found a new physical therapist, and moved on. But I’m still not happy about it. When was the last time you got news that made you want to punch a wall? Initially, after hearing the news of a second surgery, that’s how I felt—angry, sad, devastated, and hopeless. My honest fear was What if my leg never fully heals? But here's what I’ve learned about handling life's curveballs. Someone really needs to hear this. Why High Achievers Struggle Most with Disappointment It can be tough to work through bad news—especially for high achievers who highly value progress and productivity. We are often hardest on ourselves, and it’s easy to get stuck if we are always measuring forward against an ideal rather than backward from the place where we started. One thing we rarely do is allow ourselves time to grieve and process disappointments. The grief process isn't just for death—it applies to every loss, including business failures, missed promotions, health setbacks, and relationship disappointments. In the face of my disappointing news, I took 24 hours to mope, grieve, express my anger, and then move to acceptance. With less consequential setbacks, decide how long you need to grieve (sometimes you may not know, but you can always add time if need be), and then move on. Here's what most leaders miss: Before acceptance comes an acknowledgment of pain and loss. Professor Terry Wardle wisely said, "Life is a series of ungrieved losses. Every loss in life demands an appropriate season of grieving. Loss is meant to be grieved, and when we fail to grieve losses, that loss internalizes." Without taking time to grieve, you will be tempted to keep going back there because you didn’t properly grieve it in the first place. But grieving isn’t just a solitary act; it involves other people. Professor Wardle goes on to say, “Grieving loss begins with finding a safe environment with people who are non-condemning, empathetic, who are confidential, and who finally give you the permission to say what’s inside and say it like it is.” In my case, that happened with my family, a few close friends, and my counselor. Who are your safe people when disappointment hits? The Hidden Cost of Staying Stuck Staying too long in your grief can also be damaging, leading to bitterness, cynicism, and perpetual disappointment—the leadership killers that destroy confidence, teams, and marriages. But how do you know when it’s time to move on? With less consequential things, it’s usually a choice, but the greater the grief, the longer the process, especially when it involves other people. You'll know you've processed it properly when you can talk about the disappointment without your chest tightening, when you can make decisions about your future without that loss controlling your choices. No, I’m still not happy about it, but taking time to grieve has helped me accept my second surgery and move on. Since it can’t be changed, my only choice is to face it head-on and prepare mentally and physically. Your REST Check Most high achievers simply push through disappointment and get back to work, but the truth is that unprocessed grief can become internalized bitterness, which will ultimately sabotage your life and leadership. If you skip the grieving process, you'll carry that disappointment into every relationship, every future decision, every team meeting, every strategic planning session. But if you give yourself permission to properly grieve, you'll develop emotional resilience. You'll make decisions from wisdom, not fear. You'll become the leader who helps others navigate their setbacks because you've learned to move through your own. Properly processing your grief determines whether setbacks will make you bitter or better. This week's Rhythm of REST : When disappointment hits, give yourself a specific timeframe to feel it fully before moving to acceptance. Twenty-four hours for smaller setbacks, longer for major losses. Find your safe people. Process it properly. What's one disappointment you've been "powering through" that actually needs to be grieved? Until next time, Kent PS - I know I didn’t finish telling you Brandon’s story, but I felt someone needed to hear this. Next time, I’ll share more about Brandon and what Rhythms of REST actually means. Whenever you’re ready, there are three ways I can help you… Transform those anxiety-filled, rushed mornings into your foundation for daily success with my Win the Morning, Win the Day! Minicourse Schedule a Discovery Call to find out if executive coaching is for you - for business owners or executives Catalyze your organization - invite me to do a keynote or workshop Sources How the Five Stages of Grief Can Help Process a Loss , Very Well Mind 5 Stages of Grief: How to Cope with Loss , West Georgia Wellness Center CNLP 309: Terry Wardle on Why So Many Leaders Cave Under the Pressures of Leadership, Why Leaders Implode Morally, and How to Grieve Your Leadership Losses
By Kent Murawski August 20, 2025
Brandon, a successful CEO of an education company, hadn't taken a day off in years. The company was doing fine—growing revenue, adding new accounts, and preparing to sell. But when we first talked, he couldn't remember a thought walking from one room to the next. Until we started working together. 2-3 months later, he went from working 12-15 hours per day to 2-4 hours per day. Today, he is a different person. Here's what I've learned from Brandon and dozens of other high achievers: The problem isn't that you're not productive enough. The problem is you're running a marathon at sprint pace, and your body, relationships, clarity, and joy are paying the price. You don't need another productivity hack. You need sustainable rhythms. That's why I'm shifting this newsletter from Catalyst to something more focused: Rhythms of REST . Every other Sunday, I'll share what I'm learning about how successful people actually sustain their success without burning out. Real frameworks. Real stories. Real results like Brandon's. Then during off weeks, I'll check in to see how it's going. If you're already subscribed, you're good to go. Just watch for Rhythms of REST starting this Sunday, August 24, 2025. Because here's the thing—you can keep pushing until something breaks, or you can learn to move differently. Brandon chose differently. His company didn't suffer—it thrived. He's no longer overwhelmed and anxious. His faith has grown tremendously. And his workload feels more than manageable. What would be possible if you chose differently, too? Hit reply and tell me: What's one thing you'd do if you had 8 extra hours in your week? I read every response. Until next time, Kent
By Kent Murawski July 28, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this.
By Kent Murawski July 23, 2025
When was the last time you ended a summer feeling more energized than when it started? ​​Summer brings changes for many of us—minimizing our motivation to work, disrupting work routines, and altering schedules. With summertime often comes a desire to slow down, and yet, we're not always sure how to do that. This week is my last new post for a little while (though I may resend some popular posts from the 2024-2025 season). I’m pressing pause to create space and pour my energy into finishing my new book. But stay tuned—when I’m back in six weeks, the newsletter will be refreshed with some exciting updates you won’t want to miss! Read to the end to find out more. In this week's edition of Catalyst, I want to share 3 ideas to help you effectively navigate summer. 3 Ways to Master Summer Without Burning Out 1) Stop and Think (Reflect) Socrates famously said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, life was more than pursuing the things that most men occupy themselves with, things like wealth, household affairs, status and position, and political clubs and factions. He believed that life only has value and meaning when we question what we think and know, and by more deeply understanding ourselves and others. The beginning of summer is an ideal time for reflection, and we all tend to occupy ourselves with the things Socrates talked about more than we probably care to admit. Taking a reflection day at the end of each quarter (consider removing "or trimester" for conciseness) can be an effective way to navigate seasonal changes. Finding a place far enough removed from your normal day-to-day life will help you get into a different headspace. A friend of mine often says: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective. I've used hotels, monasteries, or even a beautiful outdoor location if the weather permits. Here are a few questions you might want to ask: How am I feeling spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically? How are my closest relationships doing? Am I living out my core values? Is my life moving in a direction I feel good about? What do I need to change or adjust? Here are a few ideas for how to conduct a reflection day: Prayer, meditation, or silence Review your biggest wins and assess your goals from the previous quarter Work on high-impact projects that require focus Preview the upcoming quarter and set your Big 3 goals: personal, marriage/family, work/business 2) Cut the Non-Essentials (Reevaluate) Both my wife and I work, so when summer arrives, we need to re-evaluate our schedules to accommodate our twelve-year-old son. In the past, I've made the mistake of trying to keep the same workload despite being home with him two days a week. I ended up frustrated all summer long, living in the tension of wanting to spend more time with him while trying to carry the same workload. Summer requires me to pare down my work roles to the essentials: Writing (currently working on a new book) Executive coaching (6-8 coaching clients) Relationship building and outreach Necessary administration (keeping this to 30% or less of my responsibilities) Moving forward, I will probably keep things this way. It feels more sustainable than the unrealistic expectations I previously held myself to. Once you define your key roles and responsibilities, the question becomes how to achieve better work-life integration not work-life balance. I use the Big 3 System. Choose only three big things to focus on at one time—quarterly, weekly, and daily. That's right, just three. Those three things are usually a combination of personal, marriage/family, and work. Each quarter, I typically choose 1 personal goal, 1 marriage and family goal, and 1-3 work goals, depending on the quarter. Here are a few questions to consider. If you have a partner, discuss them together: How does your schedule change in the summer? What work-related responsibilities and expectations do you need to adjust? What are 3 things you want to do this summer? What do you NOT want to do? 3) Choose What Matters Most (Rest) Paring down expectations isn't only for work, it applies to rest, too. Because it's summer, there is the temptation to want to fit in everything (—vacation, visit family, trips, fun, etc). In the past, we would try to do so much that by the time fall rolled around, we were exhausted. Last year, out of necessity, we planned a staycation instead of going away. It was one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. And besides, summers in New England are gorgeous! We went to see a movie, ate out, went to Six Flags, had a beach day, and took days in between just to relax. We loved it so much, we're doing a staycation again this year! Write down your list of summer expectations and plans. Now, cross out everything that feels exhausting and unfun. Don't try to fit everything in this summer. Pick a couple of things that feel life-giving and focus on those. Your Move Reflect. Re-evaluate. Rest. Choose one of the three and work on it in the next 24 hours. Plan a day of reflection. Have a conversation with your spouse. Choose how you're going to rest this summer. I don't care which one it is, just take action. Here’s one question to consider: What would you stop doing this summer if no one was watching? Most people think summer is about maximizing experiences and fitting everything in, but the truth is that the most productive leaders use summer to strategically subtract, not add. They understand that rest isn't what you do after the work is done—it's what makes the work sustainable in the first place. You've got this. Until next time, Kent
By Kent Murawski May 26, 2025
“Should I end this?” were the last words I said before collapsing to the ground in excruciating pain. The only thing I ended that day was my basketball career ⛹️! On Sunday, May 18, 2025, I ruptured my patella tendon playing basketball with my boys. We were playing a game of P.I.G., and it was […]
By Kent Murawski May 16, 2025
“You’re not going to become a monk, are you?”  My wife asked me this after I excitedly returned from a week-long retreat to a Trappist monastery and my growing fascination with monastic rhythms.  The obvious answer is no, since I’m neither single nor celibate It began the previous week when my twelve-year-old son and I […]
By Kent Murawski May 7, 2025
I always thought the big decisions were what shaped my life trajectory, but my 50th birthday celebration revealed something way more interesting—it’s actually the tiny, everyday choices that determine where you ultimately end up. It was the most meaningful birthday I’ve ever had.  Fair warning, this is a long one, but it will be worth […]
By Kent Murawski March 19, 2025
Your capacity to recognize when to pause may be more valuable than knowing when to push. Lately, I haven’t had anything to write, which is a rare occurrence. Sure, I could try to pound something out or pull some unused content out of the archives (which I have tons of), but here’s what I’ve discovered: […]
By Kent Murawski March 6, 2025
How are you? Your answer to this question reveals more about your future success and well-being than any strategic plan. We often wear busyness as a badge of honor. Ask ten people how they are doing, and nine out of ten times the answer will be, “busy.” That’s not the way things ought to be. […]
By Kent Murawski January 30, 2025
The weight of unrealistic self-expectations can feel crushing, especially at the start of a new year. January is not even over, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed.  It’s often said that we can be our own worst bosses or that the most challenging person to lead is the person in the mirror.  What do you do […]