My life is changing quickly, and I feel afraid.
Change is hard for all of us, and often, when it rains it pours. The last year has been one challenge after another, and to be honest, we are getting tired of it. My dad died. Our family dynamic is changing with two older teens and one starting college (as well as some really difficult family situations we’ve been facing). On top of that, I’m in a midlife career transition wrapping up a twenty-year career as a pastor and minister and moving to…I’m not sure yet.
Things feel overwhelming right now, and quite honestly, I’m not doing that well.
I’m not telling you this so you can feel sorry for me. I don’t want or need pity. You have your own challenges to navigate. But I do want to be vulnerable with you, and we all need someone to get in the pit with us at times. It’s called empathy. And maybe you need some right now, too.
I also want you to know; you are not alone.
What do we do when life feels like it’s spinning out of control and there is no end in sight?
5 Things to Anchor You When Life Feels Out of Control
As a leader, I’m used to helping others, but lately, when it comes to my own life, I’m at a loss. These aren’t answers, but here are some things I’m learning in the midst of change and transition that might be of help to you as well.
1) Go easy on yourself
Life is difficult enough already without us being hard on ourselves. We are small (not unimportant) and finite. We don’t have all the answers. We don’t understand why certain things happen, and we may not understand until much later if at all. It’s best not to try to figure everything out – especially when we are right in the middle of it.
The old saying is usually true. Hindsight is 20/20.
2) Be careful of your self-talk
This is connected to the previous one. I’m hard on myself anyway, but during these challenging times, my self-talk has been terrible. The problem with negative self-talk is that we start to believe it. I’ve realized some destructive patterns in my own self-talk, and I’m trying to change them, but it’s ever so slow. That’s why I’m going to record some confessions and affirmations on my phone about who I really am and who I know myself to be.
3) Surrender
When life seems to be spinning out of control, it’s helpful to remember that we are not in charge. There are times to swim upstream and there are other times when it’s best to surrender to the current. By surrender, I don’t mean we should give way to the current of our myopic selves or worst tendencies. Instead, we must resign ourselves to the fact that there is someone or something bigger than us, moving us along, and in the end – if we surrender – things will work out for our good.
4) Get some help
Life is infinitely more difficult when we try to face it on our own. That’s why I’m talking to my wife, friends, and mentors. It’s also why I’m seeing a counselor right now. People can’t solve your problems, but they can give empathy and validation. The right people can also provide insight and tools we may not have.
There’s an old African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together.”
5) Take things as they come
“Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.” That’s a line from the Serenity Prayer. It’s a prayer that has come to be associated with addicts. And for a recovering control addict like me, it’s a lifeline. When life is changing all around us, it’s easy to obsess about what’s coming down the road, but as we know, focusing on too many unknowns quickly leads to anxiety.
A wise man once said, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Jesus of Nazareth)
I can’t say it any better than that.
Let’s Do This…Together
I’ve shared this today because I want to live from a place of vulnerability. Because people always relate better to our weaknesses than our strengths. As Brené Brown so beautifully taught us, vulnerability is hard because it requires emotional exposure and risk, but it is so worth it.
Will you share one struggle you’re facing today and what you are learning in the process in the comments below? I promise there will be no judgment, only empathy.
More importantly, why not reach out to someone close to you and share it with them? You won’t regret it.
And always remember, you are not alone.
Your friend,
Kent
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*Photo by William Randles on Unsplash